Thursday, September 29, 2011

10 Reasons You Won't Get Published


Writing is a tough business. Today, I present 10 Reasons You Won't Get Published.

That's right. Pack it up.

Now.

1. You're nobody. Let's face it. You're nobody. You blog, you tweet, you have a few followers, but not nearly enough to sustain a writing career or sell any books. You have no name recognition and Average Joe and Susie Book Buyer have no idea who you are. Because of this, you'll never get published.

2. The market is too competitive. There seems to be an infinite number of choices out in the marketplace. Every story you could write has already been written (and it's been written better by someone with name recognition). Thanks to this glut of content, no one wants your book, because it will sit on the shelf (virtual and physical), unknown, unloved, and unsold.

3. Your writing won't get any better no matter how hard you work. You started with a short story. Then you wrote another one. Then another. You moved on to a novel. Then you wrote another. Now you have several short stories and novels, but the quality hasn't improved. You've reached a plateau. You can write for five more years, and you'll still be the same hack you were when you started.

4. You can't get an agent and never will. You keep sending out queries, but no one's interested. You've emailed 100 different agents. Obviously, it's time to stop.

5. You're incapable of meeting the "right" people. You work a day job that keeps you in the office during the bulk of the day. You work second shift, maybe third shift. You don't have time to network, and if you did, you wouldn't be able to meet anyone remotely interested in your writing. Forget about Twitter and Facebook; they can't help you.

6. The next submission will be a rejection. And so on. Once rejected, always rejected. If you send out 50 submissions, you may as well call them 50 rejections. It's automatic, rubber-stamped. You have no chance.

7. You've given it enough time and nothing has happened. Nothing ever will. You've been at it for a year. Two years. Five. Ten. Nothing's happened. Oh, some obscure place published one of your short stories, but that's about it. That novel you've been polishing for the last five years? The one that's been to beta readers and changed a lot since the original draft? Just shelve it now. Don't write another. Just stop.

8. You write in a genre no one wants to read. Yeah, everybody has a vampire book. Everybody has a crime thriller. Everybody has a space opera. No one cares, and those are established genres. You think someone wants your superhero novel? Your surreal, existentialist talking plant story? Dream. On.

9. Your critique group can't help you. These are people just like you. They like to read; they like to write. Like you, they're dreaming the big dream, hoping, praying someone will notice their work. See reason #1.

10. You Believe Anything (or Everything) Written in this Post. The preceding nine "truths" are balderdash. You can rise above any of these issues with hard work, dedication, and a support system of peers and fellow writers. Writing isn't easy and getting published is challenging. However, those who persist will taste success, provided they keep at it, grow a thick skin, and have confidence in their work.

Yeah, I know. It's a little "rah-rah, go team!"

Sometimes, we need a little of that.

Sometimes, we need a lot of it.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter Z


Well Your Highness, I guess this is it.

We've made it to the Letter Z!

Z is for Zev.


I don't think Zev Senesca's name is ever mentioned in The Empire Strikes Back, but if it weren't for him, it's entirely possible Luke would've never made it to Dagobah and Han Solo would've never found himself frozen in carbonite.

After Han mounted a tautaun and headed out to find Luke in Hoth's harsh conditions, the Rebels organized a search for their lost friends. Several snowspeeders covered different regions of the ice planet looking for Captain Solo and young Skywalker, but Zev is the man who found them:
ZEV: This is Rogue Two. This is Rogue Two. Captain Solo, do you copy? Commander Skywalker, do you copy? This is Rogue Two.

HAN: Good morning. Nice of you guys to drop by.

ZEV: Echo Base...this is Rogue Two. I found them. Repeat, I found them.
Of course, we didn't get to celebrate Zev's discovery for very long. After Luke took a dip in a Bacta tank, Imperial Walkers landed on Hoth. Zev climbed into his snowspeeder once more...and it ended up being his last mission. An AT-AT walker cut down the man who found the lost heroes.

That brings us to the end of Matt's Star Wars ABC's.

Or wait...is it!??

Coming soon at an undetermined point in your future!

Y is for Yoda
X is for X-Wing
W is for Wedge
V is for Vader
U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter Y


Just two letters left in the alphabet!

The penultimate entry in my Star Wars ABC's is a no-brainer!

Y is for Yoda!


Yoda is the Mr. Miyagi of the Star Wars universe (which, of course, makes Luke The Karate Kid).

At first glance, he doesn't look like much. Impish, foolish, buffoonish...a small-minded, wide-eyed creature who doesn't understand things like technology or acceptable norms of personal space.

This dummy's no dummy, however.

Yoda's the smartest being you'll ever meet. Strike that; he's the wisest being you'll ever meet.

Don't be fooled by his cuddly Muppet exterior, for within Yoda beats the heart of a Jedi Master. Impossible to please, his training methods are unorthodox (I don't remember any of my baseball coaches forcing me to strap them to my back and run through a forest), but his calm, understated determination will win over even the most skeptical Jedi prodigy. Unless, of course, your name is Luke, you rush off in the middle of training to fight Darth Vader, and then return to "complete" your training only to cover Yoda with a blanket and watch him disappear.

Other than his small size and Grover voice, Yoda's most memorable trait would be his cryptic, backward speech pattern.

Actual person: I can help you.
Yoda: Help you I can.

Actual person: I'll take you to him.
Yoda: Take you to him I will.

Actual person: It's time for the Jedi to eat.
Yoda: For the Jedi it is time to eat as well.

Actual person: I've watched this one for a long time.
Yoda: This one, a long time have I watched.

TOMORROW: The final installment of my Star Wars ABC's! Meet the unsung hero of The Empire Strikes Back!

X is for X-Wing
W is for Wedge
V is for Vader
U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Monday, September 26, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - Letter X


Just three more letters left in the alphabet for my Star Wars ABC's.

X is for X-Wing.


The X-Wing is the backbone of the Alliance's starfighter corps. A sturdy ship produced by Incom, the X-Wing is perfect for both long-range missions and hit-and-fade encounters. Unlike the Empire's TIE fighters, X-Wings are equipped with hyperdrives that give them a certain sense of autonomy. While housed by Alliance frigates, the starfighters can operate independently thanks to their long-range capabilities.

While the X-Wing is maneuverable and fast, Imperial TIE fighters still have the edge in speed and agility. The Alliance's fighters, however, are equipped with shields, a feature that gives the X-Wing durability and endurance in a dogfight.

The X-Wing fighter is featured in every movie in the Original Trilogy. Pilots fly them during the assault on the Death Star in Star Wars, Luke uses his to fly to both Dagobah and Bespin in The Empire Strikes Back, and the venerable fighter is also instrumental in destroying the Second Death Star in Return of the Jedi.

TOMORROW: Obvious the choice is for the letter Y.

W is for Wedge
V is for Vader
U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Friday, September 23, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter W


For Friday, we concentrate on the letter "W."

W is for Wedge.


Not every hero has to brandish a lightsaber.

Not every pilot has to have the Force to do his job well.

Wedge Antilles proves it.

Wedge is your old, reliable buddy. The responsible one who's always there as the designated driver. Even when things go south, it doesn't shake him. You envy him for that.

A "minor" character who appeared in the original trilogy, Wedge served with valor at the battles of Yavin, Hoth, and Endor. He played a major role in the assault on the first Dreaded Death Star and had an actual hand (er...proton torpedo) in the destruction of the second one.

A skilled pilot, he could probably best Luke Skywalker if Luke turned off his Force powers for a few minutes.

I love Wedge, who always came off as a cool guy to hang around with. Thank the Force for giving him these quotes:

"Look at the size of that thing!"

"Wow! That got him!"

MONDAY: Lock S-foils in attack position!

V is for Vader
U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter V


We've almost reach the end of this week's Star Wars ABC's series, but we have a very important one today.

V is for Vader!


There are nightmares, bogeymen, and other unpleasantries.

And then there's Darth Vader.

Encased in a life-giving suit, he's more machine now than man, twisted and evil. At least, that's what his friends say. He doesn't appreciate a good joke and is incapable of playing nice with others. Vader is as Vader does...and Vader does as his Emperor commands.

When I was a very, very young child, Vader scared me. While sleeping in my room at night, I thought I saw his shadow standing in the corner and imagined his synthesized breaths. If I got out of bed, he'd switch on his lightsaber and hack me to pieces.

Good news: I fear him no more.

Part of it's growing up; part of it's knowing that Hayden Freaking Christensen is inside that suit with his pedantic whining and monotone delivery ("One day, I will be the most powerful Jedi EVER!").

Okay, it's mostly growing up; I just wanted to take a stab at the Greatest Canadian Actor Ever.

Vader is the iconic big screen baddie. Mysterious, ruthless, driven, and unafraid to leave a few bodies in his wake (Obi-Wan Kenobi, Admiral Ozzel, Captain Needa, that poor Tantive IV commander, Luke's hand, assorted Jedi & other malcontents).

Without Vader, there is no Star Wars.

TOMORROW: A reliable wing man who helped destroy two Death Stars; a real Rogue.

U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter U


For Wednesday, oink it up with the letter "U."

U is for Ugnaughts.


You're Lando Calrissian, ladies man and Colt 45 spokesman. A card player, gambler, scoundrel--you'd like him. You just won this Tibanna gas mine in a game of sabacc, and you need people to work for you.

What do you do?

You hire pig-men. Pygmy, snorting, hateful little pig-men.

Ugnaughts are the cable installers of the Star Wars world, the auto mechanics and utility workers and plumbers. I imagine Ugnaughts getting together on Sunday (or whatever they call it on Bespin) and sitting down to watch football together. They'd probably all have fantasy football teams, too. I bet Ugnaughts would know better than to select a kicker in the first round of their fantasy draft.



Sure, the little cretins nearly incinerated C-3PO and were instrumental in making sure Han Solo was "alive and in perfect hibernation," but they were just doing their jobs.

Because that's what Ugnaughts do.

TOMORROW: A surprisingly intimidating asthmatic.

T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter T


"T" is for Tuesday...and Tatooine.


Ah, Tatooine, the Cradle of Skywalkers.

We were introduced to this pathetic "go nowhere" planet in the first Star Wars movie when a fateful battle erupted between a Rebel blockade runner and a Star Destroyer. An escape pod carrying two certain droids crash-landed on Tatooine...which is kind of your small-town, no future, single traffic light town.

Luke Skywalker implies nothing exciting ever happens on Tatooine.

Obviously, Luke's Uncle Owen never let him march down to the Tatooine Historical Society.

If he had, he would've discovered the following facts:

1) The escape pod wasn't the first ship to crash-land in the sand
2) His father grew up there...he ended up being kind of important
3) His grandmother died there
4) There's an annual podracing competition that is probably the economic lifeblood of the pathetic planet
5) Obscure, unimportant Tatooine appeared in each of the prequel movies

So...um...yeah. Tatooine is kind of like the small-town high school that annually produces top-flight athletes, yet somehow manages to retain a certain, dismissive anonymity.

And did you see this? Tatooine exists in real life!

TOMORROW: Short and ugly, they may have been what Kramer actually spotted in an episode of "Seinfeld."

S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Monday, September 19, 2011

Big IMPORTANT Blog Announcement

Those of you who've been following me and know something about the Peyton Progress Meter/Peytonometer should get the significance of the following.

I'm applying the Peytonometer to my book I, Crimsonstreak!

Do you know what that means? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!??


Here's some help:

I, CRIMSONSTREAK

MAY 2012

CANDLEMARK & GLEAM

KINDLE * NOOK * IBOOKS

and

WHEREVER BOOKS ARE SOLD

You can find a blurb about this in Publishers Weekly (click here!).

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter S


We're not finished yet! My Star Wars ABC's kicks off another week...just eight more letters left in the alphabet!

S is for Star Destroyer.


Before there was the Death Star, there was the Star Destroyer, a big, sinister, bombastic symbol of Imperial might.

I've always been a fan of the wedge shape, which is undoubtedly intimidating. They are the backbone of the Imperial fleet, huge ships carrying more than 47,000 personnel and a complement of 48 TIE fighters plus TIE variants, shuttles, gunboats, and AT-AT Walkers.

When a Star Destroyer parks itself outside your planet, you'd better hope your energy shield can hold. Then you'd better hope your defenses can stop the AT-AT and AT-ST walkers from destroying your energy source. If those fail, you'd better have a shuttle on standby for a quick escape, because the orbital bombardment is going to be brutal. You see, the Empire doesn't care about things like "collateral damage," and it sure as hell isn't interested in a "surgical strike" (at least, not in most circumstances).

And no one--no one--can forget how huge the Star Destroyer looked when it roared across the screen at the beginning of Star Wars.

TOMORROW: "If there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from." You know, if that's true...why does so much happen there?

R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Friday, September 16, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter R


Today is the release day for Star Wars on Blu-ray!

I've been anticipating the release with my Star Wars ABC's...and we're now up to the letter "R."

R is for Rancor.


Childhood memories are funny, fuzzy things, but I distinctly remember going to see Return of the Jedi with my parents and brother.

I also distinctly remember how large the Rancor looked on the big screen. A fearsome, loathsome, scary, and mistreated beast, the Rancor is Jabba's favorite way to dispose of those who disappoint or betray him.

With the press of a button, they go into the Rancor Pit, where the starved behemoth is ready to catch its quarry and have a much-needed snack, all while Jabba and his demented court watch and place bets on how long the poor victim will last before the Rancor grabs it in its clutches.

Luke Skywalker finally puts the monstrosity out of its misery by crushing it with a gigantic gate. In proof that everyone has a friend, the Rancor's keeper is deeply upset by the creature's death, prompting one of the most touching images in all of Star Wars:

Nothing cranks up the emotion like a shirtless fat guy crying.

MONDAY: Let's call it the Humvee of the Imperial fleet.

Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter Q


We turn today to the letter "Q."

Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn.


For the most part, my Star Wars ABC's have kept to the original trilogy.

That is by design.

Star Wars is one of the most influential movies ever made. Its sequels are equally influential. Its prequels are not as highly regarded (to say the least).

However, I loved Liam Neeson's character in Episode I. He is Qui-Gon Jinn, a stately Jedi mentor with a rebellious streak. He does not always see eye-to-eye with the Jedi Council on many matters, yet serves the Republic to the best of his abilities. In my opinion, Qui-Gon is the single most important character in the prequel trilogy. Though he appears only in the first movie (he has a voice cameo from beyond in Episode II and gets mentioned in Episode III), he finds Anakin Skywalker, recognizes the boy's talents, and becomes determined to train Anakin regardless of the Jedi Council's apprehension.

That's where his rebellious nature gets the best of him. Had he listened, it's entirely possible possible Darth Vader would never have come to pass.

A better galaxy, you say?

Perhaps.

But then, whose children would've brought down the Empire? And, more importantly, who would've thrown the Emperor down the drain?

TOMORROW: A fat man cries over its death because even the most loathsome creature has friends!

P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter P


Today's entry focuses on the letter "P."

P is for Probe Droid. Or probot.


For years, I was convinced The Empire Strikes Back had a subtitle at the beginning that said, "edited for television."

That's because, as the probe droid was launched from a Star Destroyer to Hoth, "edited for television" popped up on the VHS copy my parents had taped off TV. As that was my primary version of ESB, it seems inherently wrong to watch it now without those words flashing across the screen (consequently, I also kind of miss the old WISHTV logo that used to come up in the corner of Star Wars).

I digress.

The Imperial Probe Droid (now apparently the "Viper probe droid" in official SW lingo) is the Empire's creepy, crafty little spy machine. Equipped with sensor packets and sample-collecting arms, thousands of the insect-like machines scoured the galaxy for any sign of the Rebel Alliance. Apparently, the Galactic Empire was kind of ticked off after that whole "destruction of the Death Star" thing.

A probe droid was dispatched to the sixth planet of the Hoth system, where it found a power signature consistent with one used by the Rebels. The droid sent back only a fragment of its information--it self-destructed after Han and Chewie confronted it--but it was enough to convince Darth Vader that "the Rebels are there."

Thus, the creepy-looking droid pretty much catalyzed every single event of The Empire Strikes Back.

TOMORROW: The only prequel character worthy of inclusion in my Star Wars ABC's!

O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter O


Star Wars ABC's continues this Tuesday with "O."

O is for Owen.


Whether you call him Owen Lars, Uncle Owen, or simply "Luke's psychologically abusive uncle," he's an important character in the Star Wars universe. While Obi-Wan watches the galaxy's new hope from a distance, Owen and his wife Beru are tasked with raising the boy.

Owen is the crotchety old guy you can never quite please; the man who wears a mask of disapproval no matter what you do. He is resentful and spiteful, but he has his reasons. He watched his stepbrother fall to the Dark Side (in a bit of prequel retroactive continuity, of course), something he wants to prevent from happening to young Luke. How continually berating his nephew and keeping him from doing anything even slightly stimulating in his life will protect him from the Dark Side is beyond me.

TOMORROW: It came from SPAAAAAAAAACE....

N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Monday, September 12, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter N


The third week of Star Wars ABC's forges onward as we anticipate the release of the movie trilogies on Blu-ray!

N is for Needa.

"Sir, the ship no longer appears on our scopes."

"They can't have disappeared. No ship that small has a cloaking device."

"Captain, Lord Vader demands an update on the pursuit."

"Get a shuttle ready. I shall assume full responsibility for losing them, and apologize to Lord Vader."
The universe never turned on someone more quickly than Captain Needa. One moment, he had Darth Vader's prize--the Millennium Falcon--in his clutches; the next, the Falcon was gone.

Of course, Lord Vader wanted to know what was going on (a crewmember likely tweeted that Needa's Star Destroyer, the Avenger, was in hot pursuit of the galaxy's most wanted space pirate)...and Needa, being a noble officer, fell on his sword.

Or, more accurately, the deck of Vader's Executor.

"Apology accepted, Captain Needa."

TOMORROW: He's the man who refuses to let Luke go to the Tosche Station to pick up some power converters.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter M


We wrap up this week with the letter "M."

M is for Mon Mothma.


In a sense, Mon Mothma is the anti-Emperor.

Like Palpatine, we don't see her until the third movie of the original trilogy (ESB hologram transmission notwithstanding). Like Palpatine, she's in charge. Like Palpatine, she has a memorable presence.

But where Palpatine chews the scenery and tells people how great he is and how much of a genius he is for springing the trap that will end the Alliance (which, of course, turns out to be the trap that ends his own Empire), Mon Mothma stands with a quiet confidence befitting of someone who works in the background to unseat a great evil.

"The Emperor has made a critical error, and the time for our attack has come."

Mon Mothma means this; is still idealistic enough to believe her Bothan spies could shake down the Empire for a crucial piece of information: the plans for the second Death Star and the Emperor's decision to personally oversee the final stages of construction.

She only has a few lines, but they are memorable, especially this one: "Many Bothans died to bring us this information."

Regal. Refined. Relentless.

MONDAY: Darth Vader DOES accept apologies!

M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter L


Star Wars ABC's continues with the letter "L."

L is for Lightsaber.


It is neither as clumsy nor random as a blaster.

It takes skill to master and an affinity for the Force to build.

It is the lightsaber, the weapon of a Jedi Knight.

Capable of cutting through just about anything, the lightsaber is the ultimate fantasy weapon. It's the one thing you've seen in the movies that you wish you could have right now. Even people who've never seen Star Wars recognize the tell-tale whooshing sound geeks delight in making while waving an imaginary sword (or a broom handle or a baseball bat or a dowel rod...).

I'd go so far to say that the lightsaber is, in a sense, Star Wars.

Iconic. Futuristic. Sleek.

TOMORROW: Many Bothans died. We know it because she told us so.

L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter K


The letter "K."

K is for Kenobi.


Some people claim Obi-Wan in a lying, manipulative SOB.

I guess they have a point. He only told Luke part of the story; didn't reveal the truth about his father, only the symbolic Vader "betrayed and murdered your father" nonsense.

Perhaps Star Wars' Obi-Wan Kenobi didn't know what he was talking about. Maybe the trilogy wasn't really a trilogy at that time. Perhaps he really meant Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker were truly two different people.

Or he's just a lying SOB.

He knew Luke had a sister, but didn't reveal that to him. That mistake nearly turned out to be incestuous. He didn't bother to tell the young man who yearned to learn more about his father that his father happened to be the galaxy's #1 badass. And Obi-Wan Kenobi conveniently forgot to add that he was the one responsible for turning Luke's dad into a torso with droid legs and droid arms.

"He's more machine now than man, twisted and evil."

That tends to happen when your best friend cuts off all your limbs and leaves you for dead.

All of this is with tongue firmly planted in cheek, of course. The Obi-Wan of the original trilogy is a haunted hermit who's seen a man fall from grace and has vowed that man's son wouldn't stray down the same dark path. And yet, despite Obi-Wan's help and guidance, the son nearly follows the father.

Because he is young. He is brash. He is a Skywalker.

And while Kenobi couldn't see the good left in his old friend, the son believed just enough.

A final lesson.

Obi-Wan has taught you well.

TOMORROW: An elegant weapon for a more civilized age!

J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Heir to the Empire

This post is a day late, but I'm going to write it anyway.

Yesterday, Del Rey Books released a 20th Anniversary Edition of Heir to the Empire, the bestselling Timothy Zahn novel that helped usher in a new era of Star Wars.


A Dark Time for the Rebellion

Zahn's book brought Star Wars back to life. The trilogy's glory had faded in the years following Return of the Jedi. In those days, it was difficult to find any merchandise from that galaxy far, far away. I became a card-carrying member of the Lucasfilm Fan Club and eagerly anticipated the arrival of the Lucasfilm Fan Club Magazine, which featured stories about Star Wars and Indiana Jones. In 1994, that magazine would become the Star Wars Insider. The fan club mag was about the only way to get a Star Wars-themed t-shirt or any other officially-licensed merchandise (thank you, "Jawa Trader!").

So, really, the early 90's were a dark time for the Rebellion. Looking back, it felt like people had forgotten the trilogy. Sure, there were still plenty of kids quoting the movies and I watched them over and over and over and over again, but it didn't seem like anything "new" was coming down the pipeline.

Then I read about Heir to the Empire.

I pre-ordered the Kindle version...

Er, wait.

My mother asked Waldenbooks in Richmond, Indiana, to hold a copy for me. I can still remember going to the bookstore, the beautifully-illustrated cover all slick and shiny (cover artist: Tom Jung).

I was in fifth grade.

This was a big boy's book intended for a slightly older audience with a higher reading level.

I didn't care.

It was Star Wars.

Once, long ago, this book was in absolutely pristine condition.

I rifled through that book. I distinctly remember reading it while eating Ruffles cheddar & sour cream chips. Over the years, the...ahem...proof of such snacky dalliances has all but disappeared. I loaned the book to my brother, who also read it.

Then I read it again.

The book isn't falling apart, but you can definitely see the wear & tear from multiple readings over the last 20 years.

The Continuing Adventures of Mr. Bennett

My fifth-grade teacher, Mr. Bennett, had a unique reading program at school. After you read a book, he would then read it and write out a series of questions based on the book. This kept him connected to his students' reading habits and also served as a test of sorts to make sure you had indeed read what you'd claimed to read.

Poor Mr. Bennett had never seen a Star Wars movie.

He was plunged into 360+ pages filled with backstory and references to past adventures he knew absolutely nothing about. Mr. Bennett was confused.

So, perhaps a sign of things to come two decades later, I wrote the Star Wars dictionary, a quasi-alphabetical, crudely-illustrated directory explaining the history of key characters and events in the Star Wars universe.

Mr. Bennett claims this helped. I subsequently blew his mind a few months later when I read the novelization of The Empire Strikes Back.

Awwww...little Matt marked his book. How cute.

Back to the Present

Flash-forward 20 years (20 years? REALLY? Let me reemphasize this: I remember picking the book up from the bookstore! How in God's name was that 20 years ago!??).

Since the release of Zahn's book, there have been 3,720 "expanded universe" books. The original trilogy has been theatrically re-released (and will get a 3D rollout in the coming years). You can't go to the store without seeing the Star Wars logo plastered on something. The VHS format succumbed to DVD, which evolved to Blu-ray and streaming video (and there are, finally, home video editions of the trilogy available in all the physical formats). Jabba was added to the original Star Wars, we learned rather lamely that Greedo shot first (PUH-lease!), and the Yub Yub song turned into something from Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute.

Zahn added hot chocolate to the Star Wars mythos. We'll take that over midichlorians, Mace Windu, Hayden Christensen, Naboo, The Most Awful Love Story Ever, and "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

An avalanche of toys & collectibles followed, along with George Lucas' promised prequel trilogy that managed to ruffle a lot of feathers, demystify the Jedi and the Force, and made many fans wonder if the original trilogy (which wasn't really all that original anymore, thanks to high-tech tinkering) was kind of a fluke (I speak in generalities; this is a debate for another time).

I wonder, though, if this would all have happened without Zahn's book, which I consider a true continuation of the movies. In his books (Heir to the Empire, Dark Force Rising, and The Last Command), our classic characters sounded and acted like themselves. The Empire, though flagging, remained an ever-present threat. And the cloning technology so clinically boring in the prequel trilogy seemed somehow more sinister. Without Zahn's book, would Star Wars have enjoyed the early-90's resurgence that continues to this day?

"To be continued," indeed.

I don't have the answer to that. I do know, however, that it's time to dust off Heir to the Empire and read it once more.

Not everything has to be read on a Kindle, ya know.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

No writing progress tonight

I couldn't bring myself to write any of my book tonight.

That's mostly because Blogger has suddenly decided to make nearly all of my front-page posts BOLD, including all the sidebar stuff. Eventually, new posts will push these BOLD posts away, but it's annoying and ugly. I spent too much time trying to figure out how to fix it.

I hope to find a resolution for this soon.

I tried loading and reloading the template. I also tried using a different template, but the same inexplicable problem keeps popping up. I even got into the HTML to see if anything made sense there. Since I'm only half-competent in HTML, that probably wasn't the smartest solution.

(SIGH)

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter J


For Tuesday, we turn to the letter "J."

J is for Jabba.


He's repulsive, but he's got an eye for the ladies. If he had feet, he'd never see them. And when it comes to "smugglers who drop their shipments at the first sign of an Imperial cruiser," he hangs them on the wall as decorations.

Jabba the Hutt is a filthy, disgusting, stomach-turning villain. From his wormy, slug-like body to his T-Rex arms and bulbous eyes, everything about him is repulsive. He belches, eats live appetizers in front of guests, and can't even move on his own.

If Jabba were a human being, he'd park himself on a plush couch in front of a 65-inch HDTV with a bag of cheese puffs, a gigantic bowl of popcorn, and an endless supply of soda or beer while watching football all day, every day. And then he'd pit his friends against one another in MMA fights in his own living room. He'd probably make a killing on the meth market. He'd never shower and never shave, but no one would tell him he smelled because they like playing Xbox and watching Blu-rays and dig the live, unsanctioned MMA bouts. And they'd never make Jabba mad because he'd go freaking Goodfellas Joe Pesci on them.

A reviled gangster, indeed.

TOMORROW: Now that's a name I've not heard in a long time. A long time.

I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Monday, September 5, 2011

A quick Reggie Miller Writing Continuum Update!

Quick Reggie Miller Writing Continuum update!

I'm working on a new book right now and hoped to be well past the 30,000-word mark by now. I'm just barely over that at the moment...and I needed to rally yesterday to make it happen.

During a quiet night of writing, I pounded out more than 3,000 words, putting me on the lower end of "Sold-Out Conseco" on the Reggie Miller Writing Continuum.

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter I


Let's kick off week 2 of my Star Wars ABC's with the letter "I."

I is for "I know."


This is one of the most powerful lines in all the Star Wars, ranking up there with "I am your father" in terms of impact.

It was such a Han Solo Thing to say; such a definitive Han Solo Moment. The line was pitch-perfect in every way.

Except it almost never came to pass.

The story is legendary. George Lucas had originally scripted Han to say, "I love you, too" after Leia professed her love for him. Harrison Ford felt the line was out of character; that a rogue like Han Solo would not simply blubber "I love you, too."

He and Lucas haggled about it. When it came time to shoot the scene, Empire director Irvin Kershner told Ford to improvise.

Thus, "I know" became a part of Star Wars lore.

Can you imagine it any other way?

TOMORROW: He doesn't doesn't just hang smugglers; he hangs them on his wall!

H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Friday, September 2, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter H


We wrap up the first full week of my Star Wars ABC's with "H."

H is for Hoth.


There is cold, there is antarctic, and then there is Hoth.

A planet so inhospitable, its natives whither and die in the unrelenting conditions. So remote, it seems outside the infinite grasp of the Galactic Empire. So hopeless, everyone back at Echo Base thought the planet claimed the lives of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker.

If there is one lesson to be learned from The Empire Strikes Back, it is that you shouldn't go to Hoth. Ever.

Because an Ice Wampa will try to eat you. Imperial Walkers will come knocking at your door. Walter Donovan from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade will be aboard one of these walkers and destroy the reactor powering your precious defense shield.

Some people like snow and ice. Did you ever see the Rebels sledding on Hoth? Building snowmen? Sipping on hot chocolate? (did you know hot chocolate exists in the Star Wars universe?)

The answer to all these questions is a resounding "NO."

Hoth isn't fun.

Don't go there.

MONDAY: The letter "I." Because love isn't in Han Solo's vocabulary.

G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter G


Today, we celebrate the letter "G!"

G is for Galactic Empire.


I could've filed this under E for "EVIL" Galactic Empire (or simply "Empire"), but we'll relegate it to the "official" name.

The Empire, simply put, represents all things reprehensible in the Star Wars universe. We're talking idiotic bureaucracy, we're talking xenophobia, we're talking Dark Side of the Force. Totalitarianism, subjugation, slave labor, corruption, suppression of civil liberties.

The Galactic Empire is monolithic, seemingly made to last for infinite years, seemingly built to control everything.

Of course, these things never last.

People don't like having their freedoms erased. They don't enjoy it when regimes build weapons of mass destruction with the capacity to destroy entire planets. They don't enjoy it when certain a Grand Moff intimates that "fear will keep the local systems in line."

Thus, overly ambitious in its design and execution, the Galactic Empire was too big to rule, while the Emperor and his minions thought it was simply "too big to fail."

A big failure, instead.

TOMORROW: The letter "H." It's a cold one.

F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar