Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter U

For Wednesday, oink it up with the letter "U."

U is for Ugnaughts.

You're Lando Calrissian, ladies man and Colt 45 spokesman. A card player, gambler, scoundrel--you'd like him. You just won this Tibanna gas mine in a game of sabacc, and you need people to work for you.

What do you do?

You hire pig-men. Pygmy, snorting, hateful little pig-men.

Ugnaughts are the cable installers of the Star Wars world, the auto mechanics and utility workers and plumbers. I imagine Ugnaughts getting together on Sunday (or whatever they call it on Bespin) and sitting down to watch football together. They'd probably all have fantasy football teams, too. I bet Ugnaughts would know better than to select a kicker in the first round of their fantasy draft.

Sure, the little cretins nearly incinerated C-3PO and were instrumental in making sure Han Solo was "alive and in perfect hibernation," but they were just doing their jobs.

Because that's what Ugnaughts do.

TOMORROW: A surprisingly intimidating asthmatic.

T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar