Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Take 5 with Mortimer P. Willoughby

Matt: He is perhaps the breakout character of the superhero novel I, Crimsonstreak, and today, I'm honored to be joined by the irrepressible Mortimer P. Willoughby. Welcome, sir.

Mortimer: (bows deferentially) I would like to thank you for having me on this program today.

Matt: It's really more of a blog.

Mortimer: Pardon?

Matt: Never mind. May I call you Morty?

Mortimer: That's a rather detestable nickname favored by those of an inferior station.

Matt: Mortimer, then?

Mortimer: If you would be so inclined.

Matt: No problem, Mortimer. Let's start off easy here. What's it like being the "go-to guy" for the Crusading Comet?

Mortimer: I would prefer a term such as "aide-de-camp," if you please. It is quite a thrilling vocation, and I have many stories to tell. I will not bore you with those stories, however. As befits your format here on shall endeavor to keep my responses short. Life as an assistant to a billionaire superhero never becomes dull. I am often relegated to sidekick duty, sometimes thrust into combat, and, on at least one occasion, it has been my duty to rescue the Crusading Comet. This I do gladly.

Matt: It's so nice to have a civilized conversation. I interviewed Crimsonstreak earlier, and that was brutal.

Mortimer: (Harrumphs) Yes, Crimsonstreak. A hero of...dubious distinction.

Matt: I sense a rivalry of sorts between you two. Can you tell me what's behind that?

Mortimer: It is difficult to say what attracts one person to another, and that which draws two people apart. I'm sorry to say that Crimsonstreak and I simply do not, what the devil's the word I'm searching for..."click?" Yes. We do not, as you Americans say, "click." Oil and water, the two of us. I am older, more refined, reserved, and content in my role. He is younger, crude, brash, and constantly complaining. They say opposites attract, yet sometimes it seems more fitting to say that opposites wish to murder one another.

Matt: Whoa. Murder? Really?

Mortimer: I mean that in the most respectful, figurative way imaginable.

Matt: I'll try to keep that in mind. You've worked with the Crusading Comet for decades now, having served four men named Warren Kensington. Which one is your favorite?

Mortimer: A correction, if you'll allow me. I have served three men named Warren Kensington. The fourth is still yet a boy. Asking a question such as is dreadful. Could you, for instance, pick your favorite brother?

Matt: Actually, I can. I only have one. So, by default, he's my favorite.

Mortimer: You're missing my point, perhaps knowingly. Were I to ask you to pick your "favorite" friend, it would be a difficult task. The Kensington family has been so kind as to make me part of their family. They have entrusted me with their secrets and their lives. Thus, I'm afraid it is impossible for me to answer that question.

Matt: Fair enough. I'll move on, then. I think our readers would like some more insight on Mortimer Willoughby, the man. What drew you into this life? How did you come to America?

Mortimer: (smiles warmly) I grew up in a fine family in a fine community across the pond. I attended schools of good standing, and a university of good standing. As any young man so endeavors, I wished to branch out, and visited New York City. It was a much different place in those times. I happened across an advertisement in the local paper looking for a servant to help care for a local family. While I wished to return to England, I wished more to remain in America. I found a second family and camaraderie with Warren Kensington, Senior, and his lovely wife. And so it came to pass that I accepted their employment. I did not know at that time that I would soon be thrust into a world full of mystery, espionage, and intrigue. I expected to serve--to cook, to clean, to educate. Jet-fueled cars, night vision goggles, bulletproof armor, and Comet spikes were nowhere in sight.

Matt: This interview is much more enlightening and less painless than the last one.

Mortimer: (puts a hand on my shoulder) I lament that your experience with Crimsonstreak is quite common among those...fortunate...enough to encounter him.

Matt: Thank you. This helps. I'm sad to say this...but we've reached the final question of the interview.

Mortimer: That is news I regret to hear as well.

Matt: You're too gracious.

Mortimer: Likewise.

Matt: Of your many duties, which do you find the most challenging?

Mortimer: (laughs) Mr. Kensington...the third Mr. Kensington...has a certain admiration for the ladies. Attempting to juggle the many different facets of his meetings, social events, stakeouts, luncheons, formal dinners, criminal difficult enough as it is. His insistence on juggling different female admirers and keeping his operations as the Crusading Comet secret is perhaps the single most difficult of them all.

Matt: Very interesting. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention your book, Mortimer P. Willoughby's Guide to Superhero Etiquette. What can you tell me about it?

Mortimer: A bonus question! How delightful! The Guide is in its Twelfth Edition. It serves as a guidebook for all superheroes, instructing them how to behave in public and deal with all aspects of superheroism.

Matt: Thank you so much, Mortimer. That's all we have time for today, folks. You can...

Mortimer: (holds up a hand) Might I be so bold as to do the "plug?" I have always fancied doing such a thing.

Matt: I would be honored, Mortimer.

Mortimer: (clears throat, rubs hands together) I, Crimsonstreak is available at these fine retailers in a variety of formats:

Candlemark & Gleam Website
Amazon Paperback
Amazon Kindle Edition
Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble NOOK Book