Take 5 with Warren Kensington III

Matt: We've already interviewed his son...now we welcome Warren Kensington III to the blog for Take 5.

Warren III: Thanks for having me, but I'm in uniform.

Matt: You want me to call you the Crusading Comet?

Warren III: Please.

Matt: We talked about this. You know what you have to do.

Warren III: (grunts) Do I have to?

Matt: I can call you "Trip" or "Trey" if you like, Mister Kensington.

Warren III: (defeated sigh) I'm Batman.

Matt: (claps) Thank you. The Crusading Comet joins me today. First question. Where do you get those wonderful toys?

Crusading Comet: I don't think I like the direction of this interview.

Matt: What about those toys?

Crusading Comet: I don't have toys. I have tools. Gadgets. Weapons. Not toys. Most of them are assembled in-house with supplies appropriated from different markets. Mortimer is my acquisitions expert.

Matt: What about the acronyms? Why CIGAR (Comet Intrusion Glider for Aerial Reconnaissance)? Why the Comet Aerobic Recreational Drilling and Intensive Athletic Center (CARDIAC)?

Crusading Comet: It's our way of putting our mark on our tools.

Matt: You could just...stamp them with a Crusading Comet logo.

Crusading Comet: We do.

Matt: You mentioned Mortimer P. Willoughby just a minute ago. A charming man, for sure. What role does he play?

Crusading Comet: The question really is "what role doesn't he play?" Mortimer is everything you could ever ask for. Mentor. Confidant. Chauffeur. Pilot. Craftsman. He was like a father to me...and like a father to Warren.

Matt: Let's delve into your relationship with your son, who will one day take up the mantle of the Crusading Comet. How would you describe your relationship with him?

Crusading Comet: Warren has a lot to live up to. His father is a superhero. His grandfather was a superhero. His great-grandfather was a superhero. For better or worse, it's part of being a Kensington man. It isn't always easy. While other trust fund kids were going on expensive trips and getting designer clothes, my son was learning hand-to-hand combat and working on his computer skills. Leading a double life is hard enough when it's just one of you. Bringing a son into it...complicates things.

Matt: I imagine that's where Morty is a big help.

Crusading Comet: He doesn't like being called "Morty." But, yes, Mortimer is the unofficial teacher and trainer of future Crusading Comets. My responsibilities often keep me out of the penthouse. Mortimer always picked up the slack. I can't imagine what we'd do if he left.

Matt: Shifting gears a bit here, but what can you say about Colonel Chaos?

Crusading Comet: Chaos is a super-powerful, super-intelligent man. I think, if the world were ever in danger, he's the person I'd want in charge. He's fair-minded and sees the big picture. That's a actually a hard thing to admit. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye...my family had dealings with him before he became a good guy. Chaos could've plunged our world into an abyss we'd never be able to claw our way out of. He's changed. Our mutual distaste subsided during a crisis in the Heroic Legion.

Matt: You're talking about the Trial of Demonspawn.

Crusading Comet: That's correct. Some of our prominent heroes, mostly Samson Knight and Great Alexander, wanted a summary judgment. Chaos felt a fair trial was in order. I agreed. It was one of the few times we found common ground on anything. Subsequently, our views began to align.

Matt: That's all we have time for today. Thank you for joining us.

Crusading Comet: This was...better...than I thought it would be.

Matt: Glad to hear it. You can learn more about the Crusading Comet and his world in I, Crimsonstreak, available from these fine retailers in a variety of formats:

Candlemark & Gleam Website
Amazon Paperback
Amazon Kindle Edition
Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble NOOK Book

GO TO CRIMSONSTREAK CENTRAL!

Take 5 with Mortimer P. Willoughby

Matt: He is perhaps the breakout character of the superhero novel I, Crimsonstreak, and today, I'm honored to be joined by the irrepressible Mortimer P. Willoughby. Welcome, sir.

Mortimer: (bows deferentially) I would like to thank you for having me on this program today.

Matt: It's really more of a blog.

Mortimer: Pardon?

Matt: Never mind. May I call you Morty?

Mortimer: That's a rather detestable nickname favored by those of an inferior station.

Matt: Mortimer, then?

Mortimer: If you would be so inclined.

Matt: No problem, Mortimer. Let's start off easy here. What's it like being the "go-to guy" for the Crusading Comet?

Mortimer: I would prefer a term such as "aide-de-camp," if you please. It is quite a thrilling vocation, and I have many stories to tell. I will not bore you with those stories, however. As befits your format here on this...blog...I shall endeavor to keep my responses short. Life as an assistant to a billionaire superhero never becomes dull. I am often relegated to sidekick duty, sometimes thrust into combat, and, on at least one occasion, it has been my duty to rescue the Crusading Comet. This I do gladly.

Matt: It's so nice to have a civilized conversation. I interviewed Crimsonstreak earlier, and that was brutal.

Mortimer: (Harrumphs) Yes, Crimsonstreak. A hero of...dubious distinction.

Matt: I sense a rivalry of sorts between you two. Can you tell me what's behind that?

Mortimer: It is difficult to say what attracts one person to another, and that which draws two people apart. I'm sorry to say that Crimsonstreak and I simply do not, what the devil's the word I'm searching for..."click?" Yes. We do not, as you Americans say, "click." Oil and water, the two of us. I am older, more refined, reserved, and content in my role. He is younger, crude, brash, and constantly complaining. They say opposites attract, yet sometimes it seems more fitting to say that opposites wish to murder one another.

Matt: Whoa. Murder? Really?

Mortimer: I mean that in the most respectful, figurative way imaginable.

Matt: I'll try to keep that in mind. You've worked with the Crusading Comet for decades now, having served four men named Warren Kensington. Which one is your favorite?

Mortimer: A correction, if you'll allow me. I have served three men named Warren Kensington. The fourth is still yet a boy. Asking a question such as this...it is dreadful. Could you, for instance, pick your favorite brother?

Matt: Actually, I can. I only have one. So, by default, he's my favorite.

Mortimer: You're missing my point, perhaps knowingly. Were I to ask you to pick your "favorite" friend, it would be a difficult task. The Kensington family has been so kind as to make me part of their family. They have entrusted me with their secrets and their lives. Thus, I'm afraid it is impossible for me to answer that question.

Matt: Fair enough. I'll move on, then. I think our readers would like some more insight on Mortimer Willoughby, the man. What drew you into this life? How did you come to America?

Mortimer: (smiles warmly) I grew up in a fine family in a fine community across the pond. I attended schools of good standing, and a university of good standing. As any young man so endeavors, I wished to branch out, and visited New York City. It was a much different place in those times. I happened across an advertisement in the local paper looking for a servant to help care for a local family. While I wished to return to England, I wished more to remain in America. I found a second family and camaraderie with Warren Kensington, Senior, and his lovely wife. And so it came to pass that I accepted their employment. I did not know at that time that I would soon be thrust into a world full of mystery, espionage, and intrigue. I expected to serve--to cook, to clean, to educate. Jet-fueled cars, night vision goggles, bulletproof armor, and Comet spikes were nowhere in sight.

Matt: This interview is much more enlightening and less painless than the last one.

Mortimer: (puts a hand on my shoulder) I lament that your experience with Crimsonstreak is quite common among those...fortunate...enough to encounter him.

Matt: Thank you. This helps. I'm sad to say this...but we've reached the final question of the interview.

Mortimer: That is news I regret to hear as well.

Matt: You're too gracious.

Mortimer: Likewise.

Matt: Of your many duties, which do you find the most challenging?

Mortimer: (laughs) Mr. Kensington...the third Mr. Kensington...has a certain admiration for the ladies. Attempting to juggle the many different facets of his life...business meetings, social events, stakeouts, luncheons, formal dinners, criminal takedowns...is difficult enough as it is. His insistence on juggling different female admirers and keeping his operations as the Crusading Comet secret is perhaps the single most difficult of them all.

Matt: Very interesting. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention your book, Mortimer P. Willoughby's Guide to Superhero Etiquette. What can you tell me about it?

Mortimer: A bonus question! How delightful! The Guide is in its Twelfth Edition. It serves as a guidebook for all superheroes, instructing them how to behave in public and deal with all aspects of superheroism.

Matt: Thank you so much, Mortimer. That's all we have time for today, folks. You can...

Mortimer: (holds up a hand) Might I be so bold as to do the "plug?" I have always fancied doing such a thing.

Matt: I would be honored, Mortimer.

Mortimer: (clears throat, rubs hands together) I, Crimsonstreak is available at these fine retailers in a variety of formats:

Candlemark & Gleam Website
Amazon Paperback
Amazon Kindle Edition
Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble NOOK Book

BACK TO CRIMSONSTREAK CENTRAL!

Mortimer P. Willoughby Blog Post

Intrepid man of taste and style Mortimer P. Willoughby drops by Bibliognome today to describe the various roles he plays as butler to the Crusading Comet.

Chauffeur/Pilot. “Oh, a chauffeur,” some of you are probably thinking. “Isn’t that something all butlers do?” Many butlers indeed perform this function. Yet, I ask, how many of those butlers must learn how to pilot the Comet Intrusion Glider for Aerial Reconnaissance (CIGAR)? How many have experience filling up the jet-fueled Comet Cruiser and traveling at speeds that would make Formula 1 drivers blush? Not many, I would wager.

To learn more--including Morty's least favorite role as aide-de-camp to the Crusading Comet--check out the rest of the post here.

Superhero Etiquette

If there's anything that excites me about I, Crimsonstreak, it's that people will get to meet the esteemed Mortimer P. Willoughby, manservant for the Kensington family and aide-de-camp for the Crusading Comet. He is my absolute favorite character to write. Mortimer (or as Crimsonstreak calls him, "Morty") is a British butler, Alfred to the Crusading Comet's Batman, although Mortimer is sometimes a bit less...helpful.

He also happens to be an accomplished smart aleck. Morty and Crimsonstreak have an adversarial relationship that isn't explained in the book. It doesn't need to be; they just have a Jerry Seinfeld/Newman ("Hello, Newman"/"Hello, Jerry") rivalry.

After delving deep into the archives of the Crimsonstreak universe, we unearthed a copy of Mortimer P. Willoughby's Guide to Superhero Etiquette (12th Edition). If you order early, you'll be able to read the butler's important advice on how "proper" superheroes are supposed to act. We live in a civilized society, people!

On changing into a superhero uniform in public:

Alleyways, phone booths, taxicabs, revolving doors, limousines, and public restrooms shouldn’t be considered. Seek less obvious places such as utility closets, abandoned buildings, rooftops (if accessible), and parking garages to protect your identity and observe the proper rules of decency.

On gentlemen and spandex:

Gentlemen should wear suitable fabrics that accentuate their musculature...Particular attention must be paid to the area just below the waist. It is here that “too tight” can become an embarrassment for certain heroes.

On women and uniforms:

An understated elegance is suggested, but forethought should be given to utility and public perception...Showing too much leg or plunges of décolleté has little to do with saving the world.

On the Supervillain monologue:

In cases in which you have foiled the villain’s nefarious plot and the safety of the world is assured, etiquette calls for you to listen to the Supervillain Monologue for at least one minute. After allowing the villain to feel that he or she has won the day, you may then apprehend them or initiate Final Fight protocols.

On receiving an invitation to another hero's secret lair:

Acceptable excuses include unanticipated deaths or funerals (close family members, sidekicks), important pre-planned events that cannot be moved (family weddings, pre-coordinated takedowns of underworld warlords), sudden crises (nuclear plots of urgency, captured colleagues), and detainment (by authorities or your enemy).

Sporting events, family reunions, social gatherings, and other minutiae are not acceptable excuses.

On White House etiquette:

If the President speaks directly to you, address him or her as “Mr. President” or “Madame President.” In prolonged conversation, you may alternate “Mr./Madame President” and “Sir/Madame.” Do not shake the President’s hand unless he or she offers it first. Please be mindful of sharp gauntlets and secret weapon switches.

On the ever-important super-secret drop box:

Many heroes do not have their own home address and sending an invitation to their secret identity (if known) could inadvertently reveal that identity to others. Thus, it is recommended that heroes keep a special “drop box” in their city for emergency correspondence and dinner invitations.

On receiving help from other heroes and the police:

It is common courtesy to send a prompt thank-you note to police and other superheroes for their assistance. Fruit baskets are the standard gift of gratitude.

On utilizing superpowers and gadgets:

It is imperative that you use your powers wisely. Be especially mindful of nearby civilians, low-hanging and unsteady structures, and historic buildings.

On handling TV interviews:

During most interviews, you should look at the reporter who is asking the question and not directly into the camera. However, if you need to speak directly to the viewing audience (“That, children, is why you should never play with matches”), looking into the camera is perfectly acceptable.

On making invitations to a superhero formal dinner:

Superheroes are encouraged to print their invitations on cardstock matching their superhero colors. Cream or white cardstock is still perfectly acceptable.

You can get Mortimer P. Willoughby's Guide to Superhero Etiquette (12th Edition) by pre-ordering I, Crimsonstreak here.