Friday, July 22, 2011

Take Five with Dementius

Today's interview is with Dementius, former Baron-Count-Lord-President-Sir-Supreme Leader-Emperor (and Tsar) of the defunct United States of Dementius. Captured by the Interstellar Justice Corps, the ex-despot is detained within an IJC facility, where he's (for some reason) still allowed to wear his infamous suit of armor.

MATT: How's the food here?

DEMENTIUS: I find it decent enough. They serve pudding on Fridays. So it's Pudding Day.

MATT: You've prided yourself on being the supervillain who doesn't fall prey to the foibles of supervillainy. Yet here you sit in a maximum-security IJC facility, where you await trial. How does this make you feel?

DEMENTIUS: Insightful question. (grumbles something unintelligible) My idiotic supervillain contemporaries never had vision. Their plans were small-minded. Capture the heroes. Depower the heroes. They needed to do more. They needed to kill the heroes. So that is what I did. And it worked.

MATT: When your plan worked--and I know you expected it to work--what did you think would happen next?

DEMENTIUS: It didn't quite happen as I expected. The president of the United States was dead and Congress immediately caved in. I thought they'd fight back. I thought the other nations of the world would rally together to fight me. Instead, most of them just gave up. They surrendered to a single man and his small army of robot warriors. I did not anticipate taking control to be so easy.

MATT: I see. Take me back to the moment when you finally disposed of your arch-enemy Powerwynd. What happened?

DEMENTIUS: My Ultimation Ray expanded superpowers to uncontrollable levels. When I tracked down my bothersome foe--in addition to her powers, she was a dogged IRS agent who also went after my financials--I turned the weapon on her and watched as her powers reached uncontrollable levels. It was like a person-size nuclear explosion. Quick and satisfying.

MATT: One thing you did not anticipate was the way social media websites would shape the plight of superheroes and supervillains. What role did they play?

DEMENTIUS: Ick. Social media. Facebook. Twitter. YouTube. Turn the Ultimation Ray on me. (audible gagging sound) When my supervillain contemporaries started interrupting TV transmissions, their rants ended up on YouTube. When people started sharing those clips, The Daily Show and Talk Soup picked up those rants. They turned supervillains into jokes. Then, I discovered someone turned my image into a piece of "flair."

I set out to prove supervillains were no joking matter. It was a sweet irony when Brent Sussex--the interminable hero "Cyberclaw"--posted the location of the annual heroes meeting on Twitter. It was, for the most part, one-stop shopping. Finally, I had eliminated most of the heroes. I had finally...

(knock on the door, guard motions for me to leave)

MATT: I guess that's it. Thank you for your time.

DEMENTIUS: I'm not going anywhere.

Find out more about Dementius and his diabolical plot in "I Took Over the World for This?" available now on Smashwords and Kindle!