Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Colts Observations, Week 11 vs. Evil

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This week's Blue View took several days to write because the author hates the New England Patriots and couldn't bear the thought of writing about this week's terrible game.

Quick summary:

The Colts prove they can't hang with the big boys, putting together an embarrassing effort in front of a national TV audience while Hoodie, Gronk, and Tom Terrific snicker in amusement. Well, Gronk and Tom Terrific snicker. Hoodie just...Hoodies.

But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the running game? Awful, thank you very much. I'm embarrassed the Colts even attempted to run the ball this week. You wanna keep 'em honest? Admit to yourself that you can't run through a brick wall.

So, about that defense... Pass defense/lack of pass rush exposed by Pittsburgh; lack of run defense exposed by the Patriots. What have we learned lately? The Giants are barely a football team and there are many ways to beat the Colts.

T.Y. Hilton. Was he on the roster this week or did the Colts deactivate him? (checks stats) Apparently, he caught three passes. I guess the Patriots deactivated him.

I liked Jonas Gray at Notre Dame. That was a long time ago.

Genital cuff, Titanic, every Game of Thrones book narrated by Kathy Griffin, enema, Rocky 5, X-Men: The Last Stand, the last three seasons of Heroes. These are all better than watching New England win.

Coby Fleener. This guy had the game of his career. Seven catches, 144 yards. He was unstoppable. Fleener made all kinds of fine catches in this game, and the Patriots were perfectly happy with that.

Mike Adams showed up. He was the beneficiary of a couple terrible throws by Brady and ended up with two interceptions. The second one happened right before halftime and made Colts fans think Indy could get back in the game. It was a pleasant fiction.

But the awful play wasn't the worst of it. Ahmad Bradshaw broke a bone in his leg. Dwayne Allen suffered the dreaded "high ankle sprain." It was bad enough the Colts got taken behind the woodshed...but to lose two good players like that was worse than the game's outcome by far.

Throw it to Richardson? Look, I think we've all figured out that Trent Richardson isn't going to set the world on fire as a running back. I would like to see the Colts utilize him more as a pass catcher. It gets him out of the garbage at the line of scrimmage and gives him a chance to break some tackles in the open field. Just do it already.

Boom! We're going to see a lot of this guy because of Bradshaw's injury.

So that was fun. I did enjoy seeing Anthony Castonzo catch a TD pass. I'm pretending his celebration didn't happen. You should, too.

LaWorthless. Landry was back this week. Good to see that "run stopping safety" really paid off. Pop another pill, pal.

The Colts are the Patriots' little brother. I always say the Houston Texans are the Colts' little brother. It's fun and it makes me laugh. Right now, though, the Colts are the Patriots' little brother. It's sad and makes me cry.

Gray Matter. The Colts refused to tackle Jonas Gray against. Then again, it's hard to tackle a guy when you're getting Heisenberged every damn play.

Zero sacks. The Colts actually got some pressure on Brady a few times, but they never brought him down. An efficient passing game and a bruising running attack made sure the pass rush wasn't a factor. There were a couple of "almost got 'ims," which counted for absolutely nothing.

Shane Vereen. Every time I hear his name, all I can think about is "Shoeverine" from Conan O'Brien's run on NBC.

The hate is swelling in you now. Man, I detest these guys.

But is this the end of #GRIFFNATION? The Colts signed Joshua Cribbs this week. He was always an exciting player with Cleveland, but you do wonder why it's taken so long for him to catch on with another team...