Star Wars ABC's - The Letter Z

Well Your Highness, I guess this is it.

We've made it to the Letter Z!

Z is for Zev.

I don't think Zev Senesca's name is ever mentioned in The Empire Strikes Back, but if it weren't for him, it's entirely possible Luke would've never made it to Dagobah and Han Solo would've never found himself frozen in carbonite.

After Han mounted a tautaun and headed out to find Luke in Hoth's harsh conditions, the Rebels organized a search for their lost friends. Several snowspeeders covered different regions of the ice planet looking for Captain Solo and young Skywalker, but Zev is the man who found them:

ZEV: This is Rogue Two. This is Rogue Two. Captain Solo, do you copy? Commander Skywalker, do you copy? This is Rogue Two.

HAN: Good morning. Nice of you guys to drop by.

ZEV: Echo Base...this is Rogue Two. I found them. Repeat, I found them.

Of course, we didn't get to celebrate Zev's discovery for very long. After Luke took a dip in a Bacta tank, Imperial Walkers landed on Hoth. Zev climbed into his snowspeeder once more...and it ended up being his last mission. An AT-AT walker cut down the man who found the lost heroes.

That brings us to the end of Matt's Star Wars ABC's.

Or wait...is it!??

Coming soon at an undetermined point in your future!
Y is for Yoda
X is for X-Wing
W is for Wedge
V is for Vader
U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter Y

Just two letters left in the alphabet!

The penultimate entry in my Star Wars ABC's is a no-brainer!

Y is for Yoda!

Yoda is the Mr. Miyagi of the Star Wars universe (which, of course, makes Luke The Karate Kid).

At first glance, he doesn't look like much. Impish, foolish, buffoonish...a small-minded, wide-eyed creature who doesn't understand things like technology or acceptable norms of personal space.

This dummy's no dummy, however.

Yoda's the smartest being you'll ever meet. Strike that; he's the wisest being you'll ever meet.

Don't be fooled by his cuddly Muppet exterior, for within Yoda beats the heart of a Jedi Master. Impossible to please, his training methods are unorthodox (I don't remember any of my baseball coaches forcing me to strap them to my back and run through a forest), but his calm, understated determination will win over even the most skeptical Jedi prodigy. Unless, of course, your name is Luke, you rush off in the middle of training to fight Darth Vader, and then return to "complete" your training only to cover Yoda with a blanket and watch him disappear.

Other than his small size and Grover voice, Yoda's most memorable trait would be his cryptic, backward speech pattern.

Actual person: I can help you.
Yoda: Help you I can.

Actual person: I'll take you to him.
Yoda: Take you to him I will.

Actual person: It's time for the Jedi to eat.
Yoda: For the Jedi it is time to eat as well.

Actual person: I've watched this one for a long time.
Yoda: This one, a long time have I watched.

TOMORROW: The final installment of my Star Wars ABC's! Meet the unsung hero of The Empire Strikes Back!

X is for X-Wing
W is for Wedge
V is for Vader
U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - Letter X

Just three more letters left in the alphabet for my Star Wars ABC's.

X is for X-Wing.

The X-Wing is the backbone of the Alliance's starfighter corps. A sturdy ship produced by Incom, the X-Wing is perfect for both long-range missions and hit-and-fade encounters. Unlike the Empire's TIE fighters, X-Wings are equipped with hyperdrives that give them a certain sense of autonomy. While housed by Alliance frigates, the starfighters can operate independently thanks to their long-range capabilities.

While the X-Wing is maneuverable and fast, Imperial TIE fighters still have the edge in speed and agility. The Alliance's fighters, however, are equipped with shields, a feature that gives the X-Wing durability and endurance in a dogfight.

The X-Wing fighter is featured in every movie in the Original Trilogy. Pilots fly them during the assault on the Death Star in Star Wars, Luke uses his to fly to both Dagobah and Bespin in The Empire Strikes Back, and the venerable fighter is also instrumental in destroying the Second Death Star in Return of the Jedi.

TOMORROW: Obvious the choice is for the letter Y.

W is for Wedge
V is for Vader
U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter W

For Friday, we concentrate on the letter "W."

W is for Wedge.

Not every hero has to brandish a lightsaber.

Not every pilot has to have the Force to do his job well.

Wedge Antilles proves it.

Wedge is your old, reliable buddy. The responsible one who's always there as the designated driver. Even when things go south, it doesn't shake him. You envy him for that.

A "minor" character who appeared in the original trilogy, Wedge served with valor at the battles of Yavin, Hoth, and Endor. He played a major role in the assault on the first Dreaded Death Star and had an actual hand (er...proton torpedo) in the destruction of the second one.

A skilled pilot, he could probably best Luke Skywalker if Luke turned off his Force powers for a few minutes.

I love Wedge, who always came off as a cool guy to hang around with. Thank the Force for giving him these quotes:

"Look at the size of that thing!"

"Wow! That got him!"

MONDAY: Lock S-foils in attack position!

V is for Vader
U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter V

We've almost reach the end of this week's Star Wars ABC's series, but we have a very important one today.

V is for Vader!

There are nightmares, bogeymen, and other unpleasantries.

And then there's Darth Vader.

Encased in a life-giving suit, he's more machine now than man, twisted and evil. At least, that's what his friends say. He doesn't appreciate a good joke and is incapable of playing nice with others. Vader is as Vader does...and Vader does as his Emperor commands.

When I was a very, very young child, Vader scared me. While sleeping in my room at night, I thought I saw his shadow standing in the corner and imagined his synthesized breaths. If I got out of bed, he'd switch on his lightsaber and hack me to pieces.

Good news: I fear him no more.

Part of it's growing up; part of it's knowing that Hayden Freaking Christensen is inside that suit with his pedantic whining and monotone delivery ("One day, I will be the most powerful Jedi EVER!").

Okay, it's mostly growing up; I just wanted to take a stab at the Greatest Canadian Actor Ever.

Vader is the iconic big screen baddie. Mysterious, ruthless, driven, and unafraid to leave a few bodies in his wake (Obi-Wan Kenobi, Admiral Ozzel, Captain Needa, that poor Tantive IV commander, Luke's hand, assorted Jedi & other malcontents).

Without Vader, there is no Star Wars.

TOMORROW: A reliable wing man who helped destroy two Death Stars; a real Rogue.

U is for Ugnaught
T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter U

For Wednesday, oink it up with the letter "U."

U is for Ugnaughts.

You're Lando Calrissian, ladies man and Colt 45 spokesman. A card player, gambler, scoundrel--you'd like him. You just won this Tibanna gas mine in a game of sabacc, and you need people to work for you.

What do you do?

You hire pig-men. Pygmy, snorting, hateful little pig-men.

Ugnaughts are the cable installers of the Star Wars world, the auto mechanics and utility workers and plumbers. I imagine Ugnaughts getting together on Sunday (or whatever they call it on Bespin) and sitting down to watch football together. They'd probably all have fantasy football teams, too. I bet Ugnaughts would know better than to select a kicker in the first round of their fantasy draft.



Sure, the little cretins nearly incinerated C-3PO and were instrumental in making sure Han Solo was "alive and in perfect hibernation," but they were just doing their jobs.

Because that's what Ugnaughts do.

TOMORROW: A surprisingly intimidating asthmatic.

T is for Tatooine
S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter T

"T" is for Tuesday...and Tatooine.

Ah, Tatooine, the Cradle of Skywalkers.

We were introduced to this pathetic "go nowhere" planet in the first Star Wars movie when a fateful battle erupted between a Rebel blockade runner and a Star Destroyer. An escape pod carrying two certain droids crash-landed on Tatooine...which is kind of your small-town, no future, single traffic light town.

Luke Skywalker implies nothing exciting ever happens on Tatooine.

Obviously, Luke's Uncle Owen never let him march down to the Tatooine Historical Society.

If he had, he would've discovered the following facts:

1) The escape pod wasn't the first ship to crash-land in the sand
2) His father grew up there...he ended up being kind of important
3) His grandmother died there
4) There's an annual podracing competition that is probably the economic lifeblood of the pathetic planet
5) Obscure, unimportant Tatooine appeared in each of the prequel movies

So...um...yeah. Tatooine is kind of like the small-town high school that annually produces top-flight athletes, yet somehow manages to retain a certain, dismissive anonymity.

And did you see this? Tatooine exists in real life!

TOMORROW: Short and ugly, they may have been what Kramer actually spotted in an episode of "Seinfeld."

S is for Star Destroyer
R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter S

We're not finished yet! My Star Wars ABC's kicks off another week...just eight more letters left in the alphabet!

S is for Star Destroyer.

Before there was the Death Star, there was the Star Destroyer, a big, sinister, bombastic symbol of Imperial might.

I've always been a fan of the wedge shape, which is undoubtedly intimidating. They are the backbone of the Imperial fleet, huge ships carrying more than 47,000 personnel and a complement of 48 TIE fighters plus TIE variants, shuttles, gunboats, and AT-AT Walkers.

When a Star Destroyer parks itself outside your planet, you'd better hope your energy shield can hold. Then you'd better hope your defenses can stop the AT-AT and AT-ST walkers from destroying your energy source. If those fail, you'd better have a shuttle on standby for a quick escape, because the orbital bombardment is going to be brutal. You see, the Empire doesn't care about things like "collateral damage," and it sure as hell isn't interested in a "surgical strike" (at least, not in most circumstances).

And no one--no one--can forget how huge the Star Destroyer looked when it roared across the screen at the beginning of Star Wars.

TOMORROW: "If there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from." You know, if that's true...why does so much happen there?

R is for Rancor
Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn
P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter Q

We turn today to the letter "Q."

Q is for Qui-Gon Jinn.

For the most part, my Star Wars ABC's have kept to the original trilogy.

That is by design.

Star Wars is one of the most influential movies ever made. Its sequels are equally influential. Its prequels are not as highly regarded (to say the least).

However, I loved Liam Neeson's character in Episode I. He is Qui-Gon Jinn, a stately Jedi mentor with a rebellious streak. He does not always see eye-to-eye with the Jedi Council on many matters, yet serves the Republic to the best of his abilities. In my opinion, Qui-Gon is the single most important character in the prequel trilogy. Though he appears only in the first movie (he has a voice cameo from beyond in Episode II and gets mentioned in Episode III), he finds Anakin Skywalker, recognizes the boy's talents, and becomes determined to train Anakin regardless of the Jedi Council's apprehension.

That's where his rebellious nature gets the best of him. Had he listened, it's entirely possible possible Darth Vader would never have come to pass.

A better galaxy, you say?

Perhaps.

But then, whose children would've brought down the Empire? And, more importantly, who would've thrown the Emperor down the drain?

TOMORROW: A fat man cries over its death because even the most loathsome creature has friends!

P is for Probe Droid
O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter P

Today's entry focuses on the letter "P."

P is for Probe Droid. Or probot.

For years, I was convinced The Empire Strikes Back had a subtitle at the beginning that said, "edited for television."

That's because, as the probe droid was launched from a Star Destroyer to Hoth, "edited for television" popped up on the VHS copy my parents had taped off TV. As that was my primary version of ESB, it seems inherently wrong to watch it now without those words flashing across the screen (consequently, I also kind of miss the old WISHTV logo that used to come up in the corner of Star Wars).

I digress.

The Imperial Probe Droid (now apparently the "Viper probe droid" in official SW lingo) is the Empire's creepy, crafty little spy machine. Equipped with sensor packets and sample-collecting arms, thousands of the insect-like machines scoured the galaxy for any sign of the Rebel Alliance. Apparently, the Galactic Empire was kind of ticked off after that whole "destruction of the Death Star" thing.

A probe droid was dispatched to the sixth planet of the Hoth system, where it found a power signature consistent with one used by the Rebels. The droid sent back only a fragment of its information--it self-destructed after Han and Chewie confronted it--but it was enough to convince Darth Vader that "the Rebels are there."

Thus, the creepy-looking droid pretty much catalyzed every single event of The Empire Strikes Back.

TOMORROW: The only prequel character worthy of inclusion in my Star Wars ABC's!

O is for Owen
N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter O

Star Wars ABC's continues this Tuesday with "O."

O is for Owen.

Whether you call him Owen Lars, Uncle Owen, or simply "Luke's psychologically abusive uncle," he's an important character in the Star Wars universe. While Obi-Wan watches the galaxy's new hope from a distance, Owen and his wife Beru are tasked with raising the boy.

Owen is the crotchety old guy you can never quite please; the man who wears a mask of disapproval no matter what you do. He is resentful and spiteful, but he has his reasons. He watched his stepbrother fall to the Dark Side (in a bit of prequel retroactive continuity, of course), something he wants to prevent from happening to young Luke. How continually berating his nephew and keeping him from doing anything even slightly stimulating in his life will protect him from the Dark Side is beyond me.

TOMORROW: It came from SPAAAAAAAAACE....

N is for Needa
M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter N

The third week of Star Wars ABC's forges onward as we anticipate the release of the movie trilogies on Blu-ray!

N is for Needa.

"Sir, the ship no longer appears on our scopes."

"They can't have disappeared. No ship that small has a cloaking device."

"Captain, Lord Vader demands an update on the pursuit."

"Get a shuttle ready. I shall assume full responsibility for losing them, and apologize to Lord Vader."

The universe never turned on someone more quickly than Captain Needa. One moment, he had Darth Vader's prize--the Millennium Falcon--in his clutches; the next, the Falcon was gone.

Of course, Lord Vader wanted to know what was going on (a crewmember likely tweeted that Needa's Star Destroyer, the Avenger, was in hot pursuit of the galaxy's most wanted space pirate)...and Needa, being a noble officer, fell on his sword.

Or, more accurately, the deck of Vader's Executor.

"Apology accepted, Captain Needa."

TOMORROW: He's the man who refuses to let Luke go to the Tosche Station to pick up some power converters.

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter M

We wrap up this week with the letter "M."

M is for Mon Mothma.

In a sense, Mon Mothma is the anti-Emperor.

Like Palpatine, we don't see her until the third movie of the original trilogy (ESB hologram transmission notwithstanding). Like Palpatine, she's in charge. Like Palpatine, she has a memorable presence.

But where Palpatine chews the scenery and tells people how great he is and how much of a genius he is for springing the trap that will end the Alliance (which, of course, turns out to be the trap that ends his own Empire), Mon Mothma stands with a quiet confidence befitting of someone who works in the background to unseat a great evil.

"The Emperor has made a critical error, and the time for our attack has come."

Mon Mothma means this; is still idealistic enough to believe her Bothan spies could shake down the Empire for a crucial piece of information: the plans for the second Death Star and the Emperor's decision to personally oversee the final stages of construction.

She only has a few lines, but they are memorable, especially this one: "Many Bothans died to bring us this information."

Regal. Refined. Relentless.

MONDAY: Darth Vader DOES accept apologies!

M is for Mon Mothma
L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter L

Star Wars ABC's continues with the letter "L."

L is for Lightsaber.

It is neither as clumsy nor random as a blaster.

It takes skill to master and an affinity for the Force to build.

It is the lightsaber, the weapon of a Jedi Knight.

Capable of cutting through just about anything, the lightsaber is the ultimate fantasy weapon. It's the one thing you've seen in the movies that you wish you could have right now. Even people who've never seen Star Wars recognize the tell-tale whooshing sound geeks delight in making while waving an imaginary sword (or a broom handle or a baseball bat or a dowel rod...).

I'd go so far to say that the lightsaber is, in a sense, Star Wars.

Iconic. Futuristic. Sleek.

TOMORROW: Many Bothans died. We know it because she told us so.

L is for Lightsaber
K is for Kenobi
J is for Jabba
I is for "I know"
H is for Hoth
G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter H

We wrap up the first full week of my Star Wars ABC's with "H."

H is for Hoth.

There is cold, there is antarctic, and then there is Hoth.

A planet so inhospitable, its natives whither and die in the unrelenting conditions. So remote, it seems outside the infinite grasp of the Galactic Empire. So hopeless, everyone back at Echo Base thought the planet claimed the lives of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker.

If there is one lesson to be learned from The Empire Strikes Back, it is that you shouldn't go to Hoth. Ever.

Because an Ice Wampa will try to eat you. Imperial Walkers will come knocking at your door. Walter Donovan from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade will be aboard one of these walkers and destroy the reactor powering your precious defense shield.

Some people like snow and ice. Did you ever see the Rebels sledding on Hoth? Building snowmen? Sipping on hot chocolate? (did you know hot chocolate exists in the Star Wars universe?)

The answer to all these questions is a resounding "NO."

Hoth isn't fun.

Don't go there.

MONDAY: The letter "I." Because love isn't in Han Solo's vocabulary.

G is for Galactic Empire
F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter G

Today, we celebrate the letter "G!"

G is for Galactic Empire.

I could've filed this under E for "EVIL" Galactic Empire (or simply "Empire"), but we'll relegate it to the "official" name.

The Empire, simply put, represents all things reprehensible in the Star Wars universe. We're talking idiotic bureaucracy, we're talking xenophobia, we're talking Dark Side of the Force. Totalitarianism, subjugation, slave labor, corruption, suppression of civil liberties.

The Galactic Empire is monolithic, seemingly made to last for infinite years, seemingly built to control everything.

Of course, these things never last.

People don't like having their freedoms erased. They don't enjoy it when regimes build weapons of mass destruction with the capacity to destroy entire planets. They don't enjoy it when certain a Grand Moff intimates that "fear will keep the local systems in line."

Thus, overly ambitious in its design and execution, the Galactic Empire was too big to rule, while the Emperor and his minions thought it was simply "too big to fail."

A big failure, instead.

TOMORROW: The letter "H." It's a cold one.

F is for Falcon
E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter F

In this installment of Star Wars ABC's: the letter "F."

F is for Falcon. As in the Millennium Falcon.

"What a piece of junk!"

"She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts."

With that exchange, you learned everything you needed to know about the Millennium Falcon.

Fast and maneuverable, but not necessarily sleek. Able to spin around and avoid annoying blasts from pursuing TIE Fighters. Capable of getting through an asteroid field despite the odds (3,720 to 1--I know, I know, "Never tell me the odds!). The Falcon is like your first car. It's ugly, clunky, but comes through in the clutch*. You keep it ugly because making it pretty wouldn't suit it.

The ship has a long history (there's actually a book about this), but we all know it's Han Solo's ship. Han with Chewie as the co-pilot.

The Falcon basically destroyed not one, but TWO Death Stars, carried the heroes of Yavin away from the Death Star with Princess Leia on board, rescued Luke Skywalker from Cloud City, tracked down Han after he was frozen in carbonite, dumped a huge load of spice that greatly displeased Jabba the Hutt.

It is the signature ship of the Star Wars universe.

*Unless the "clutch" is defined as jumping into hyperspace while being pursued by Imperial Star Destroyers in The Empire Strikes Back

TOMORROW: The letter "G." It's big. It's evil.

E is for Emperor
D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar

Star Wars ABC's - The Letter E

Continuing my series, Star Wars ABC's, we bring you the letter "E."

E is for the Emperor.

In a galactic sense, Emperor Palpatine is the master of ceremonies. He's the guy orchestrating everything, pulling the strings of the galaxy and putting all the pieces in play.

And what does the Man Responsible for Everything look like?

An old man. A frail, death-warmed-over, robed old man who walks with a cane and could use both sunlight and some dental work. I imagine you can't miss the Emperor for two reasons: 1) he travels with quite an entourage and 2) he possesses a certain...muskiness.

He gleefully turned a young man into a monster and then sought to do the same to that man's son. He orchestrated a galaxy-spanning war mostly because he wanted to become the Man Responsible for Everything. He became so confident in his role, he then made a moon-size tool of death. When that got destroyed, he built another and decided to toy with his worst enemy by giving them the secret location to his secret new project.

The result?

The Man Responsible for Everything was unceremoniously thrown down Ye Olde Reactor Shaft for being an overconfident wanker.

I guess he really was responsible for everything, including his own death.

Big ups, Palpy. Big ups.

TOMORROW: The letter "F." She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts.

D is for Death Star
C is for Chewie
B is for Bespin
A is for Ackbar