Take 5 with Colonel Chaos

Matt: I'd like to welcome another guest to the blog today. We're still Crimsonstreaking...and today Colonel Chaos joins us. Thank you for your time.

Colonel Chaos: Enemies of the Common Wealth must die!

Matt: Um...good day to you, too, sir.

Colonel Chaos: That was a joke, Matt. I'm not that one.

Matt: That's kind of a spoiler.

Colonel Chaos: I think you're losing some people here. We'd better get on with it.

Matt: Right. So, you established the New World Common Wealth. Where did you get that idea?

Colonel Chaos: Nice opening salvo. I thought this was going to be about promoting the book.

Matt: It is. Just...tell us a little bit about the New World Common Wealth.

Colonel Chaos: A few years ago, my wife, Miss Lightspeed passed away. Murdered, actually, by Zeus Caesar. There was so much death and violence in the world, so many different squabbles among countries. I wanted to find a way to make everyone play "nice." I sketched out an idea for a new world...one where the people of Earth would join together as one. It was a John Lennon thing, I suppose. "Imagine all the people living life in peace." A noble idea.

Matt: That's not how it played out, unfortunately.

Colonel Chaos: We're not really going to talk about this, are we?

Matt: I suppose it's best for the Heroic Legion tribunal to hash this out. We'll move on, then. Tell me about your relationship with your son.

Colonel Chaos: I can divide this into two distinct periods, Matt. When Chris was growing up, before he went to college, we were close. He was a bit of a mama's boy at first, but as he entered junior high, we became closer. Chris understood what life was like for a superhero family, and we bonded. We were best friends, watching sports together and playing a lot of catch. After Karen [Chaos' wife and Chris' mom, Miss Lightspeed] died, we grew apart. My son will tell you that it was all my fault, and I can't argue. I worked tirelessly to find a way to bring Karen back, and I neglected him. It's something I'm not proud of. We had a falling out, both going our separate ways.

Matt: Did you try to reconcile?

Colonel Chaos: (shakes his head) I wish we had. Sadly, though, I was completely engrossed in finding ways to bring back Chris' mother. I tried everything--lookalikes, shape shifters, clones. Nothing could replace her. Chris, well, he went his own way. Being the son of two great heroes--two famous heroes--is a burden no child should bear, yet he went out to make a name for himself.

Matt: Anyone who's read the Dawn Magazine article knows that you coined your son's superhero name, but not everyone has heard the story. How did "Crimsonstreak" come to mind?

Colonel Chaos: The son of some two-bit villain of the week invaded our home seeking revenge. He got the drop on us, and nearly escaped. Chris went chasing after him...moving in this red blur. He was wearing an Indiana University sweatshirt...and I said something to the effect of "he was like a cream and crimson streak." It was just an off-the-cuff remark, but Chris loved it. I was surprised when he adopted it as his superhero name. I thought he'd go for something flashier.

Matt: All right, you've survived so far. Last question here, Colonel.

Colonel Chaos: You know that's not a real rank, right?

Matt: I had my suspicions, but "Mr. Chaos" sounds stupid. Agreed?

Colonel Chaos: Agreed.

Matt: Last question, and this one backtracks a bit, and for that I apologize. Do you get tired of the villains from "the old days?" The ones who think you're "still in the game?"

Colonel Chaos: (scratches his head) Oh, man. Those guys. Wow. Some of them haven't accepted that I turned my back on that life. They keep coming up with grandiose plans that just happen to need a device or gadget that only I can make. One guy--Fourth-Reich Rich--is absolutely obsessed with the idea of turning everyone into Nazi zombies. I don't even know what that means. For the most part, it's amusing...and most of my former colleagues are locked inside the Clermont Institution for the Criminally Insane. Out of sight, out of mind, I hope.

Matt: Thanks for joining us, Colonel.

Colonel Chaos: Can I do the plug?

Matt: Excuse me?

Colonel Chaos: Willoughby got to do the plug at the end. You know, for the book.

Matt: Go for it.

Colonel Chaos: I, Crimsonstreak is available in a variety of formats from these fine retailers:

Candlemark & Gleam Website
Amazon Paperback
Amazon Kindle Edition
Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble NOOK Book

BACK TO CRIMSONSTREAK CENTRAL!

Take 5 with Mortimer P. Willoughby

Matt: He is perhaps the breakout character of the superhero novel I, Crimsonstreak, and today, I'm honored to be joined by the irrepressible Mortimer P. Willoughby. Welcome, sir.

Mortimer: (bows deferentially) I would like to thank you for having me on this program today.

Matt: It's really more of a blog.

Mortimer: Pardon?

Matt: Never mind. May I call you Morty?

Mortimer: That's a rather detestable nickname favored by those of an inferior station.

Matt: Mortimer, then?

Mortimer: If you would be so inclined.

Matt: No problem, Mortimer. Let's start off easy here. What's it like being the "go-to guy" for the Crusading Comet?

Mortimer: I would prefer a term such as "aide-de-camp," if you please. It is quite a thrilling vocation, and I have many stories to tell. I will not bore you with those stories, however. As befits your format here on this...blog...I shall endeavor to keep my responses short. Life as an assistant to a billionaire superhero never becomes dull. I am often relegated to sidekick duty, sometimes thrust into combat, and, on at least one occasion, it has been my duty to rescue the Crusading Comet. This I do gladly.

Matt: It's so nice to have a civilized conversation. I interviewed Crimsonstreak earlier, and that was brutal.

Mortimer: (Harrumphs) Yes, Crimsonstreak. A hero of...dubious distinction.

Matt: I sense a rivalry of sorts between you two. Can you tell me what's behind that?

Mortimer: It is difficult to say what attracts one person to another, and that which draws two people apart. I'm sorry to say that Crimsonstreak and I simply do not, what the devil's the word I'm searching for..."click?" Yes. We do not, as you Americans say, "click." Oil and water, the two of us. I am older, more refined, reserved, and content in my role. He is younger, crude, brash, and constantly complaining. They say opposites attract, yet sometimes it seems more fitting to say that opposites wish to murder one another.

Matt: Whoa. Murder? Really?

Mortimer: I mean that in the most respectful, figurative way imaginable.

Matt: I'll try to keep that in mind. You've worked with the Crusading Comet for decades now, having served four men named Warren Kensington. Which one is your favorite?

Mortimer: A correction, if you'll allow me. I have served three men named Warren Kensington. The fourth is still yet a boy. Asking a question such as this...it is dreadful. Could you, for instance, pick your favorite brother?

Matt: Actually, I can. I only have one. So, by default, he's my favorite.

Mortimer: You're missing my point, perhaps knowingly. Were I to ask you to pick your "favorite" friend, it would be a difficult task. The Kensington family has been so kind as to make me part of their family. They have entrusted me with their secrets and their lives. Thus, I'm afraid it is impossible for me to answer that question.

Matt: Fair enough. I'll move on, then. I think our readers would like some more insight on Mortimer Willoughby, the man. What drew you into this life? How did you come to America?

Mortimer: (smiles warmly) I grew up in a fine family in a fine community across the pond. I attended schools of good standing, and a university of good standing. As any young man so endeavors, I wished to branch out, and visited New York City. It was a much different place in those times. I happened across an advertisement in the local paper looking for a servant to help care for a local family. While I wished to return to England, I wished more to remain in America. I found a second family and camaraderie with Warren Kensington, Senior, and his lovely wife. And so it came to pass that I accepted their employment. I did not know at that time that I would soon be thrust into a world full of mystery, espionage, and intrigue. I expected to serve--to cook, to clean, to educate. Jet-fueled cars, night vision goggles, bulletproof armor, and Comet spikes were nowhere in sight.

Matt: This interview is much more enlightening and less painless than the last one.

Mortimer: (puts a hand on my shoulder) I lament that your experience with Crimsonstreak is quite common among those...fortunate...enough to encounter him.

Matt: Thank you. This helps. I'm sad to say this...but we've reached the final question of the interview.

Mortimer: That is news I regret to hear as well.

Matt: You're too gracious.

Mortimer: Likewise.

Matt: Of your many duties, which do you find the most challenging?

Mortimer: (laughs) Mr. Kensington...the third Mr. Kensington...has a certain admiration for the ladies. Attempting to juggle the many different facets of his life...business meetings, social events, stakeouts, luncheons, formal dinners, criminal takedowns...is difficult enough as it is. His insistence on juggling different female admirers and keeping his operations as the Crusading Comet secret is perhaps the single most difficult of them all.

Matt: Very interesting. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention your book, Mortimer P. Willoughby's Guide to Superhero Etiquette. What can you tell me about it?

Mortimer: A bonus question! How delightful! The Guide is in its Twelfth Edition. It serves as a guidebook for all superheroes, instructing them how to behave in public and deal with all aspects of superheroism.

Matt: Thank you so much, Mortimer. That's all we have time for today, folks. You can...

Mortimer: (holds up a hand) Might I be so bold as to do the "plug?" I have always fancied doing such a thing.

Matt: I would be honored, Mortimer.

Mortimer: (clears throat, rubs hands together) I, Crimsonstreak is available at these fine retailers in a variety of formats:

Candlemark & Gleam Website
Amazon Paperback
Amazon Kindle Edition
Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble NOOK Book

BACK TO CRIMSONSTREAK CENTRAL!

Take 5 with Crimsonstreak

Matt: Thanks for joining me on the blog today.

Crimsonstreak: Sure. A question, though. Haven't you written enough about me by now?

Matt: I'm asking the questions here, pal.

Crimsonstreak: (smirks) We'll see about that.

Matt: What's your favorite movie?

Crimsonstreak: You're really going in-depth, Katie Couric-rabid-reporter for this one, aren't you?

Matt: We're trying to help people get a character snapshot of you.

Crimsonstreak: Sounds more like you're trying to sell some books to me. Anyway, what do I know?

Matt: I said I'm asking the questions here.

Crimsonstreak: Whatever you say, buddy.

Matt: This is supposed to be a five-question interview.

Crimsonstreak: Can I help it if you're a crappy interviewer?

Matt: You're right. I can't help it if you're a crappy interviewee.

Crimsonstreak: All right, now you're playing ball. Favorite movie of all time...gotta say Return of the Jedi.

Matt: Interesting choice. Most people consider that the most inferior of the Original Trilogy.

Crimsonstreak: I'm not most people.

Matt: I'm getting that impression. Second question here: how fast can you run?

Crimsonstreak: (looks around the room) Who let this guy in? Man, I've gotta get a publicist. I'm fast. Faster than fast. Fastest man on earth. (now seated with food) I just ran to New York for shwarama. You didn't even know I was gone. So, dude, fast.

Matt: You can't pull out a shwarama reference. You haven't even seen The Avengers. Your book's set in like 2010. The sequel isn't even finished yet. I haven't decided if the Marvel Studios movies happened in your timeline.

Crimsonstreak: Sounds like somebody enjoys playing God.

Matt: This is intolerable.

Crimsonstreak: Yes, yes you are.

Matt: (sighs) Let's just try to get through this. Third question: what's with you and Jaci Graves?

Crimsonstreak: That topic is off limits.

Matt: That's right. You only answer "softball" questions.

Crimsonstreak: You're awful, you know that? We used to be a thing, then we weren't. Now...maybe we are again.

Matt: Does she know that?

Crimsonstreak: I don't know. Ask her.

Matt: We do have her scheduled for an upcoming Take 5.

Crimsonstreak: (waves hands) Don't ask her.

Matt: Of course. I'll respect your wishes.

Crimsonstreak: You could at least pretend to sound like you meant that.

Matt: We're rounding third here on this interview.

Crimsonstreak: If this were a four-question interview, that might make sense.

Matt: I'm going to ignore that. Fourth question: from a political standpoint, how will the Heroic Legion help the country recover from the New World Common Wealth? Keep it as spoiler-free as possible.

Crimsonstreak: You are the world's worst interviewer.

Matt: Thank you.

Crimsonstreak: (shrugs) I guess they'll redraw state borders and establish a provisional government or something. Find some lawmakers to help everything get back in balance. Work on the different levels of local government to bring everything back to the way it was. Then there will be elections...and something about the Constitution.

Matt: Don't ever run for office. Please. Okay, last question: who's your least favorite superhero?

Crimsonstreak: In comic books or real people?

Matt: By "real people," you mean people you know, right?

Crimsonstreak: You're a genius.

Matt: Just answer the question.

Crimsonstreak: Did you even read the book you wrote? Don't answer that. My least favorite superhero is Scarlet DashBoy. That little...

Matt: This is a family blog.

Crimsonstreak: (grumbles)...pipsqueak...is very off-putting. Wears red, runs fast...does that sound familiar?

Matt: Actually, it does sound familiar.

Crimsonstreak: (points emphatically) Thank you.

Matt: I mean...it kind of sounds like the Flash.

Crimsonstreak: (leans forward in chair) You know where you can stick your book?

Matt: At one of the fine retailers listed below?

Crimsonstreak: Well played, Adams. Well played.

I, Crimsonstreak is available at these fine retailers in a variety of formats:

Candlemark & Gleam Website
Amazon Paperback
Amazon Kindle Edition
Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble NOOK Book

BACK TO CRIMSONSTREAK CENTRAL!