My writing output has dwindled in the last few weeks, mostly because I've been working like a dog on some revisions for one of my books. And I also wasted time created book covers (see here and here).
It's a superhero novel.
Speak up, son!
IT'S A SUPERHERO NOVEL.
When I first started writing...and trust me it hasn't been that long ago...I was a little shy to utter that phrase. I gave a more friendly, PC answer: "I write sci-fi and fantasy." Which I do...it's just a lot of that science fiction and fantasy stuff involves people in spandex. With capes.
I still get a little embarrassed about it from time to time. I think people are going to tell me it's immature to like superheroes. They're going to tell me those types of stories are for kids. They're going to smile, nod, and head straight for the door because the guy they just talked to had the immature audacity to pitch a freaking superhero book.
So today I write in defense of superheroes.
Because they can be complex.
They can be real.
They can be flawed.
To me, superheroes reflect ideals. Your super-duper-good vigilante represents the American Dream (Superman). Your masked, shadow-stalking vigilante represents the gray areas of life (Batman). A guy like Captain America stands for liberty and freedom. Captain Marvel symbolizes the latent power of youth and good intentions.
Even the villains have their place. The Joker is an agent of chaos, Lex Luthor stands tall for big business, and Red Skull represents Nazis. And Nazis are bad.
This is nothing you haven't heard before. People far more eloquent than me have covered this topic in greater depth and detail. But I'm explaining why I'm not embarrassed to like and write about superheroes.
Superheroes give us something to aspire to. The real world is full of heroes, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. In broad terms, superheroes clearly define themselves. The guy in the cape is there to save the day...and you know it because he's wearing a friggin' cape. If we were all so selfless, just imagine how much we could accomplish.
They're just like us...except, you know, they can fly and stuff. Ye Olde Spider-Man is probably the best example here. Poor Peter Parker can't do anything right, gets paid peanuts for taking pictures, and saves the day on the side. Sure, some multi-billionaires are hard to relate to (*cough* Bruce Wayne *cough*), but a great superhero story has a character in there who's relatable. Many have families to protect.
From a storytelling perspective, they're flexible. This is a wide-open genre full of diverse opportunities. You can go supernatural (Ghost Rider), humorous and nigh-invulnerable (The Tick), dark and brooding (I'm not even going to mention his name), intergalactic (Silver Surfer), high-tech (Iron Man), vampiric (Blade), paramilitary (The Punisher), godlike (Thor), and much, much more.
There's lot of "in between." Not every hero dons red, white, and blue. Sometimes they don't wear the white hat...sometimes the hat is gray. Maybe the "hero" kills people. Maybe he/she has to make an impossible choice to prevent some terrible catastrophe. Maybe they have to choose the lesser of two evils. Maybe they have to make a deal with the bad guy. Maybe they are the bad guy.
We can paint in broad strokes. Superheroes certainly have their own shorthand. We know who the guy with the huge biceps and chin that doubles as a nutcracker is supposed to be. We understand the multi-trillionaire with the cowl has all the gadgets. The genre definitely has its tropes...and those easily-accessible ones help set up a world...and then allow authors to flip it upside down.
Grandeur and wonder already included. People can fly, run faster than sound, move things with their minds, and walk through walls. These are not normal abilities (except in comics, of course). Sure, these things can become mundane, but writers who step back and awe at these superhuman acts can share the experience with their readers.
You want stakes? I got your stakes right here. Every story needs high stakes, something big on the line. The stakes don't get any "higher" than superhero stories. I mean, come on, the world's going to blow up. An alien invasion is imminent. A mad scientist plans to unleash a super ray turning everyone into Christopher Walken (yeah...it sounds like the perfect world...but when everyone is Walken, there is no Walken).
What do you think? What draws you to the genre? What pushes you away? Is this just "kid stuff?"
Showing posts with label the rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the rant. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Taco Bell marketing wrapped in tortilla of lies!
Listen, Taco Bell is not fine cuisine.* You don't go there to have your taste buds stimulated by nuanced, hand-crafted fare that you can't find anywhere else. Truth be told, there's probably another Taco Bell around the corner anyway.
A lot has been made this week of a lawsuit filed against Taco Bell and its "beef." Specifically, the lawsuit claims the Bell's beefy offerings don't legally qualify as beef. The class-action suit alleges that the fast-food chain's "seasoned beef" contains only 35% meat...which falls outside the FDA's definition (the FDA says "beef" must contain at least 40% meat to be considered "beef"). The suit claims the rest of the beef-like-taco-filling substance is preservatives and filler.
(Side note: I'm more creeped out by the fact that something has to contain only 40% meat to be considered beef, but perhaps that's just me)
Taco Bell of course, is defending its product by issuing a statement and threatening a countersuit. The company says its beef, referred to in Taco Bell's inner sanctum as "taco meat filling," contains at least 88% meat. I'm sure there's a complicated formula involving a slide rule and all that.
The motive behind this tale of (obvious joke) where's the beef? The law firm suggests that the Bell does this to save money. And really, there's a good argument there. If I can sell you a taco with "35%" beef instead of one with "88%" beef, I'm saving a boatload o' cash on beef.
(Again, I long for the day when we get 100% beef, which Taco Bell says would taste just like ordinary ground beef because it'd be missing all those signature, zesty spices that bring its "taco meat filling" to less than 100% meat level!)
Saving money is the Taco Bell way. Got two bucks? Get a meal, yeah, with a side and a drink! Need a feast? Got about ten bucks or so? Buy a Taco Bell Party Pack! That's 12 crunchy shells filled with either 35% beef or 88%-beef-taco-meat filling! Taco Bell doesn't offer caviar, snooty wine, or cloth napkins. I'm not suggesting that the Bell carves up and liquefies human flesh. Of course, I also love that by saying "I'm not suggesting," I'm really saying, "I'm suggesting." But in all seriousness, this isn't Soylent Green.
The original was great...
But Phil Hartman's version was even greater! Especially the sequel: "Soylent Green is still made outta people! They didn't change the recipe like they said they were going to! It's still PEEEEEEEEOPLE!"
You have to understand the slippery slope this lawsuit has now placed Taco Bell on. First of all, you'll note the "Berry Pomegranate Fruitista Freeze" contains a whopping 1% actual pomegranate juice. Now, I'm a guy who knows his pomegranates, and I can tell you that's not a lot of juice. I think future Taco Bell menus will look something like this mock-up for their Fiesta Taco Salad:
What do all the asterisks mean?
1) Crispy Tortilla Bowl - This claim may not be verifiable. After all, no one played in a "Crispy Tortilla Bowl" in December or January. Nor did they play in the "Anne Adams Oogly-Boogly Bowl Presented by the Benjamin Harrison Home" or the "Matt Adams Manute Bol Benefiting Sudan."
2) Seasoned Ground Beef - Well, we know all about this. Should probably read "seasoned ground beef-like taco meat filling" or "kinda tacoey pseudomeat."
3) Reduced-Fat Sour Cream - It's white, doesn't really have a flavor. That's because reduced-fat is the complete opposite of "flavor-enriched." I prefer "Mexican-style Cool Whip-like cream topping."
4) Crispy Tortilla Strips - "The fried and salted remains of unleavened bread prepared from cornmeal."
5) Real Cheddar Cheese - By "real" they mean the bags they pour the stuff out of are real. Okay, I'm sure the cheese is, too.
6) Diced Ripe Tomatoes - Very ripe. Sort of diced, but really more just kind of cut. Probably sounds better than "red tomato-shape cube flavoring."
7) Hearty Beans - "Protein-enriched flavor pods in goo sauce."
8) Crisp Shredded Lettuce - "Sporadically hacked slime-greenery." The great thing is, sometimes it's crunchy, sometimes it slides right down. You never know what you're going to get!
9) Seasoned Rice - Okay, this one probably didn't need the asterisk. It's rice. It has flavoring...or seasoning if you must.
*The views of Matt Adams the author do not necessarily represent the views of Matt Adams' stomach, taste buds and their subsidiaries or representatives.
A lot has been made this week of a lawsuit filed against Taco Bell and its "beef." Specifically, the lawsuit claims the Bell's beefy offerings don't legally qualify as beef. The class-action suit alleges that the fast-food chain's "seasoned beef" contains only 35% meat...which falls outside the FDA's definition (the FDA says "beef" must contain at least 40% meat to be considered "beef"). The suit claims the rest of the beef-like-taco-filling substance is preservatives and filler.
(Side note: I'm more creeped out by the fact that something has to contain only 40% meat to be considered beef, but perhaps that's just me)
Taco Bell of course, is defending its product by issuing a statement and threatening a countersuit. The company says its beef, referred to in Taco Bell's inner sanctum as "taco meat filling," contains at least 88% meat. I'm sure there's a complicated formula involving a slide rule and all that.
The motive behind this tale of (obvious joke) where's the beef? The law firm suggests that the Bell does this to save money. And really, there's a good argument there. If I can sell you a taco with "35%" beef instead of one with "88%" beef, I'm saving a boatload o' cash on beef.
(Again, I long for the day when we get 100% beef, which Taco Bell says would taste just like ordinary ground beef because it'd be missing all those signature, zesty spices that bring its "taco meat filling" to less than 100% meat level!)
Saving money is the Taco Bell way. Got two bucks? Get a meal, yeah, with a side and a drink! Need a feast? Got about ten bucks or so? Buy a Taco Bell Party Pack! That's 12 crunchy shells filled with either 35% beef or 88%-beef-taco-meat filling! Taco Bell doesn't offer caviar, snooty wine, or cloth napkins. I'm not suggesting that the Bell carves up and liquefies human flesh. Of course, I also love that by saying "I'm not suggesting," I'm really saying, "I'm suggesting." But in all seriousness, this isn't Soylent Green.
You have to understand the slippery slope this lawsuit has now placed Taco Bell on. First of all, you'll note the "Berry Pomegranate Fruitista Freeze" contains a whopping 1% actual pomegranate juice. Now, I'm a guy who knows his pomegranates, and I can tell you that's not a lot of juice. I think future Taco Bell menus will look something like this mock-up for their Fiesta Taco Salad:
What do all the asterisks mean?
1) Crispy Tortilla Bowl - This claim may not be verifiable. After all, no one played in a "Crispy Tortilla Bowl" in December or January. Nor did they play in the "Anne Adams Oogly-Boogly Bowl Presented by the Benjamin Harrison Home" or the "Matt Adams Manute Bol Benefiting Sudan."
2) Seasoned Ground Beef - Well, we know all about this. Should probably read "seasoned ground beef-like taco meat filling" or "kinda tacoey pseudomeat."
3) Reduced-Fat Sour Cream - It's white, doesn't really have a flavor. That's because reduced-fat is the complete opposite of "flavor-enriched." I prefer "Mexican-style Cool Whip-like cream topping."
4) Crispy Tortilla Strips - "The fried and salted remains of unleavened bread prepared from cornmeal."
5) Real Cheddar Cheese - By "real" they mean the bags they pour the stuff out of are real. Okay, I'm sure the cheese is, too.
6) Diced Ripe Tomatoes - Very ripe. Sort of diced, but really more just kind of cut. Probably sounds better than "red tomato-shape cube flavoring."
7) Hearty Beans - "Protein-enriched flavor pods in goo sauce."
8) Crisp Shredded Lettuce - "Sporadically hacked slime-greenery." The great thing is, sometimes it's crunchy, sometimes it slides right down. You never know what you're going to get!
9) Seasoned Rice - Okay, this one probably didn't need the asterisk. It's rice. It has flavoring...or seasoning if you must.
*The views of Matt Adams the author do not necessarily represent the views of Matt Adams' stomach, taste buds and their subsidiaries or representatives.
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